she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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