i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
