You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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