I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize