Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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