I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
