Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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