I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
