Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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