this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
