i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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