Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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