I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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