I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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