Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
