this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
