What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
