YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
