She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
