she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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