Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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