If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I still have a little drunk in my system
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
