Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
