Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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