I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
