Someone shit on the floor
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
