Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
