I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
