just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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