If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
