I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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