Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
