Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
