I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
