Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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