If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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