remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
