my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
