is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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