there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
