This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
