1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm getting married
To pizza
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
