Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
