I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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