The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize