I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
