Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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