I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
