I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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