what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
