WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
