i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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