I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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