hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
