she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize
