dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize