I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
