Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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