I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
