saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
