i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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