tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
