I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
