Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize