Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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