Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize