College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i dont even know how to be here
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
