Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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