it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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