Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
