She said her name was "party"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
