I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
