I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
