Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
