there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
