Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just high enough for therapy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
