so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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