Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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