I want to stick my p in your. b.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
