She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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