My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
