you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
