Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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