Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
