I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
