I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
