My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
