don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
