if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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