I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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