That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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