How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
