Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
