I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
