Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
look no pants
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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