you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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