The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
love makes seman taste better
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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