She announced her abortion via fbk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize